The art of the argument...

The end of an argument or discussion should be, not victory, but enlightenment.

Joseph Joubert

As I work with groups of people in boards, clubs, or even churches, I am always watching to see how a difference of opinion is handled by colleagues and friends.

I've observed situations where the two people who disagree stay calm, refrain from insults and are willing to listen to each other.  On the other hand, I've also seen situations where emotions run high, sarcasm reigns and the slightest objection, or even a request for an explanation is taken as a personal insult.

In some cases, I've seen friendships and even family relationships ruined over what began as a very simple difference of opinion!  It's as if the offended person is saying, "Okay!  Now that you don't agree with me, I have to hate you forever!"

While it's true that it can be difficult to get your point across without saying hurtful things, it is also possible to resolve problems and remain collected and reasonable.

When you're faced with that difficult conversation remain calm.  Focus on keeping your voice at a steady, low tone.  If you get emotional, remind yourself that you must maintain your dignity and that lashing out will not help.

Make sure the other person knows that you are willing to listen and that you respect them.  Always remember that even though you may not agree with what they are saying, they feel just as strongly about their views as you do about yours!

Be reasonable. The outcome may not be exactly what you wanted, but let's face it, most people don't get exactly what they want!

Set healthy boundaries for the discussion.  If an argument is going on and on, it's likely that nothing will be accomplished and everyone involved becomes emotionally drained, tired, and more likely to make irrational decisions. (Professional counselors and mediators say that after an hour, you are simply repeating the same things over and over.)

Another thing to remember regarding healthy boundaries is that if someone is being verbally abusive, insulting, or just plain obnoxious, it's wise to end the discussion with a promise to get in touch later and walk away. That may seem obnoxious in itself, but it's far better to step away than end up in a situation where both sides are saying things they don't really intend to say!

Keep in mind that the result of a disagreement should be enlightenment and a clearer understanding of the other person's views.  There is no victory in just "winning" an argument for the sake of winning!

Finally, remember this: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. - Paul Boese

Blessings,
Sharon

Seize the day....

The past should be left in the past. 

Otherwise, it can destroy your future. 

Live life for what tomorrow has to offer, 

not for what yesterday has taken away.

-- unknown

It would be impossible to remember the number of times I've heard someone say, "Just do it...you only live once!" or "Seize the day!"

I am often  reminded of a friend of mine whose life ended much too soon, and each time I think of him, I am reminded that we never know what life is going to have in store for us and that it is important to live each day to the fullest.

Benjamin Franklin said, "If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality."

There are days when we waste our time, as well as our mental and spiritual energy obsessing over past  failures or hurtful incidents. We worry about all the things that "should have been" and we dwell on our anger against someone for something said or done  that caused us pain or embarrassment.

Dwelling on those things can cause us to miss an opportunity,  to build a new relationship or even start a new career.  It may also cause insomnia, anxiety, ulcers, or  a host of other health problems.

I challenge you to STOP! 

 Stop letting those things from the past that are unnecessary in your life today  control your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical well-being.  

Make today, the day you decide to leave the bad things behind and concentrate on what tomorrow has to offer!

Blessings,

Sharon

It only takes a spark....

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame 

by an encounter with another human being. 

Each of us owes the deepest thanks 

to those who have rekindled  this inner light. 

--Albert Schweitzer

One definition of the word "kindle" is: to light up, illuminate, or make bright. One might say, "Happiness kindled her eyes!"


I'm sure you've seen it before -- that "light" in a person's eyes when they are with someone who cares about them or someone who is a special "forever friend" who knows them better than anyone else.


I trust and hope that everyone reading this blog has that one good friend who knows, (and keeps) your confidence. It's that special friend who knows the goodness in you and knows about the times you've made mistakes....and loves you anyway!


It's the friend who came to you when you were feeling low and spoke words of encouragement, offered a hug for good measure and reminded you of your "inner light"....all the while asking nothing in return!


I know you're probably thinking of someone right now, so take just a few minutes and look up an email address, find that friend on Facebook, or even better,  give that very special someone a call...right now, while you're thinking of it!  It's time to say Thank You!


It's time to tell that extraordinary person that you are humbly grateful for the encouragement...for the "rekindling" of your inner light!


Blessings!


Sharon

Everyone needs one.....

"I always feel smarter after talking to Carter."

-- Me

Who do you think of when you think of the word "mentor"? 


A successful business man...an inspiring teacher...a true statesman...an inspiring leader... a family matriarch who is the fountain of family wisdom?


In Homer's The Odyssey, we see the  first use of the word "mentor" and it was actually the name of a man who was a "teacher" and "overseer" of Odysseus' son, Telemachus.     In The Odyssey, Mentor was a trusted friend and counselor...someone whose experience and success gave credence to his ability to teach.


Over the years, having a mentor has evolved into something deemed necessary for success in business, education, entertainment or virtually any other career.  Mentoring programs are commonplace because over the years it's been proven that a good way to learn how to do the thing that needs doing is to learn from someone who has done it before!


Years ago, I had a chance to begin watching  a man by the name of Carter Ward lead Missouri School Boards Association (MSBA)  as its Executive Director.  I began attending MSBA meetings as a locally elected school board member and through a desire to serve at a different level and an interest in working with the leaders of the association, I worked my way up to become one of four statewide elected officers of the association and was able to work closely with Dr. Ward and his staff.


One thing I have always admired about Dr. Ward is  his uncanny ability to find the right direction for Missouri School Boards Association.  I've always heard that managers do things right and leaders do the right things -- that statement seems to apply to virtually all the efforts of the association under his guidance. 



Throughout the years I have watched him set an example of leadership rivaled by none.  Whether it was through a difficult situation that required wisdom and discernment or a celebratory moment when it was time to simply enjoy a mission accomplished, I have watched him lead - not manage -- but truly lead our association.


As a result of his professional success,  inspirational advice, and his attitude of humble, servant leadership, I, and many others  have turned to Dr. Ward for guidance -- viewing him as mentor, colleague,  and friend.


As I embarked on a career as an executive director of a non-profit association, I found I relied heavily on the wise counsel and good advice of several leaders involved in the business, but when the time came for a difficult decision, or I found myself facing a monumental task, I found myself making a  call to this very wise mentor of mine.


As  time went on, I found that when tempted to let emotions like disappointment, fear, or even anger unduly influence a decision, I would always think back to a conversation I had with this trusted mentor late one evening as I worked into the night, struggling with a difficult decision.  


I had faced some rather overwhelming issues for a period of time and placed a call to Dr. Ward and left a somewhat desperate sounding voice message telling him I felt I had arrived at a  point where I simply did not know what to do!  


He returned my call, and after hearing me out, and listening to a very detailed description of the dilemma I felt I was facing, he said to me, very simply, "Sharon, I know you, and I know that you know what you're doing.  All you need to do is think it through, decide what's right, and do it!  There is never a wrong time to do the right thing!"


Think of that!  What if everyone of us ascribed to that simple, yet powerful idea?  


"There is never a wrong time to do the right thing!"


As you are faced with decisions in your personal and professional life, I challenge you to take the words of my trusted mentor to heart and find the right thing -- then do it!


Blessings,


Sharon

Call a friend today!

But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine.

Thomas Jefferson

How many times have you run into an old friend and realized that it had been years since you last talked?  


Have you ever told someone about one of your good friends, reiterating how close you've been over the years, only to realize you hadn't spoken with that special friend for months?

Friends have been the glue that  held me  together socially, spiritually, and mentally on many different occasions!  When I've faced tragedy, problems, or just a stressful, busy time, it's been my friends who show  up and help!  I have friends who have helped my clean house, get an event off the ground at work, offered advice and wise counsel, and friends who simply promise to pray for me. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that without them, my life would be very different. 

Think of a friend you haven't talked to in a while.  Now, make a phone call!