A leader is....

He who thinketh he leadeth 

and hath no one following him 

is only taking a walk.

Anonymous

It's fairly easy for most of us to list the qualities of a good leader.  When you read the words "good leader" you probably thought of at least one person you consider a good leader.  Let me ask you this question: What is the very first word that comes to mind to describe that person?

Is that person you're thinking of right now honest? Intelligent? Confident? Passionate? Kind? Do you try to emulate that person?  

I've worked with many different people I consider to be great leaders over the years and I've come to the conclusion that while all the qualities listed above are certainly valuable,  the most important quality of a leader is the ability to inspire others to follow!

There are professed leaders who can talk about leadership and seem to know all the right answers when asked about team building, strategic planning building a vision for the future, yet they never seem to see their ideas come to fruition. They may have read all the right books and they may be able to quote another leader's ideas verbatim, but they can't seem to get those who are supposed to be following to fully embrace the vision.

The successful leader is one who can "lead" others to embrace a vision and set a course for true progress.

The successful leader leads by inspiration, not intimidation. 

The successful leader has enough confidence to know it's important to train other leaders in an organization to become a leader worthy of a following!

Do you know someone who displays these leadership qualities?  What other qualities must a leader posses? I would love to know what you think about leadership!

Blessings,

Sharon

It's all about perception....

We don't see things as they are. 

We see things as we are.

Anais Nin

It has been my experience in getting to know people that those individuals who always look for negative things are the same people who seem to be in a constant battle with managing the simple details of life. They seem to be critical of nearly everyone around them and they seem to have a "better way" of doing everything yet managing their own life seems to be an insurmountable task.

I'm not trying to draw attention to anyone in particular, and it's factual to say that there are times when I let negative influences affect me.  There have been times when I feel as though life situations "catch up" to me and knock me to the ground....sometimes, it seems, literally!

When I find myself focusing on overwhelming, negative things,  the attention I pay to those bad things coming my way  sets the tone for how I see other situations and other people.  When I'm feeling negative, I see things that really aren't so bad at all as big, bad, terrible things!

I attempt to remind myself at those times of the Anais Nin's quote above: "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." 

It's those times when I pray, do some self-talk and reflect on my life.  Changing my own attitude, counting my blessings, and focusing on good things...true things...beautiful things......helps me see more good, true, and beautiful things in the world around me.

Try focusing on the good and counting your blessings in the face of overwhelming, negative issues and let me know what happens!

Blessings,

Sharon

The art of the argument...

The end of an argument or discussion should be, not victory, but enlightenment.

Joseph Joubert

As I work with groups of people in boards, clubs, or even churches, I am always watching to see how a difference of opinion is handled by colleagues and friends.

I've observed situations where the two people who disagree stay calm, refrain from insults and are willing to listen to each other.  On the other hand, I've also seen situations where emotions run high, sarcasm reigns and the slightest objection, or even a request for an explanation is taken as a personal insult.

In some cases, I've seen friendships and even family relationships ruined over what began as a very simple difference of opinion!  It's as if the offended person is saying, "Okay!  Now that you don't agree with me, I have to hate you forever!"

While it's true that it can be difficult to get your point across without saying hurtful things, it is also possible to resolve problems and remain collected and reasonable.

When you're faced with that difficult conversation remain calm.  Focus on keeping your voice at a steady, low tone.  If you get emotional, remind yourself that you must maintain your dignity and that lashing out will not help.

Make sure the other person knows that you are willing to listen and that you respect them.  Always remember that even though you may not agree with what they are saying, they feel just as strongly about their views as you do about yours!

Be reasonable. The outcome may not be exactly what you wanted, but let's face it, most people don't get exactly what they want!

Set healthy boundaries for the discussion.  If an argument is going on and on, it's likely that nothing will be accomplished and everyone involved becomes emotionally drained, tired, and more likely to make irrational decisions. (Professional counselors and mediators say that after an hour, you are simply repeating the same things over and over.)

Another thing to remember regarding healthy boundaries is that if someone is being verbally abusive, insulting, or just plain obnoxious, it's wise to end the discussion with a promise to get in touch later and walk away. That may seem obnoxious in itself, but it's far better to step away than end up in a situation where both sides are saying things they don't really intend to say!

Keep in mind that the result of a disagreement should be enlightenment and a clearer understanding of the other person's views.  There is no victory in just "winning" an argument for the sake of winning!

Finally, remember this: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. - Paul Boese

Blessings,
Sharon

Learn a new trick....

Everyone thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy

It's so simple to see the need for changes in other people!


When an issue is unresolved, or things just aren't working out right, it's very easy to look at the other person and find the error in their ways.  We are usually quick to focus on how much better our relationship with that person would become if only that person would make the necessary changes.


An annoying co-worker, a tyrannical supervisor or even a family member can sometimes be the one person who just seems to be that one who gets on your very last nerve!  A conversation with them can be painful... like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard!


My challenge to you is to think very carefully about some of the exasperating conversations you've had with that individual, then spend a few minutes thinking of something you could have said differently.  It may be that you could have simply used different body language, or possibly diffused a bad conversation with a bit of pleasantry.


I learned something from a business leader in the direct sales field that has helped improve the nature of many dialogues I've had over the years. It's quite simple. All you have to remember is the acronym F.O.R.D.


It stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Dreams!


It only takes a few minutes to engage someone in speaking about their family, their occupation and their recreational hobbies.  In that few minutes you've let them know you are interested an what's going on in their  personal and professional life.  Knowing that you've shown an interest can soften the hardest heart and it usually causes them to smile!


(I haven't forgotten "Dreams".  It's just takes a little more time and focus to get someone to share about their dreams -- realized or unrealized.  Consider that the "next step" in your plan to make a change for the better to see if your new attitude can improve the situation!)


Blessings!


Sharon

Let the words of my mouth.....

Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff and nudge me when I've said enough!

--unknown

I had to LOL when I saw this on a church sign on Grand Avenue the other day!  It's plain and simple language, maybe even a little irreverent, but it certainly provides food for thought!


I've often thought it would be much nicer if we all worked diligently on saying things that are true, helpful and encouraging!  Of course, there are times when the truth is painful, and can seem very negative, but what if every painful word spoken was  followed by a kind word? 


And, wouldn't it be great if the good Lord would give us a little "nudge" when that moment arrives that nothing else should be said? I have a very good friend who uses the acronym W.A.I.T. when he's involved in conversations with certain people, or in certain meetings.  


It stands for Why Am I Talking?  


Occasionally, I catch  myself rambling a bit and sounding a little wordy.  At those times, I've found it helps  to think of that simple little reminder -- W.A.I.T.!  


It gives others a chance to be more engaged in the conversation, and more importantly, it gives me a chance to settle in and be a good listener!


The next time you're in a class discussion, meeting, or just a friendly conversation give some consideration to the amount of time spent talking vs. listening.  And, as you focus on that, think about measuring your own words against my friend's advice!


Blessings!


Sharon

A great conversation....

As far as playing jazz, no other art form, other than conversation, 

can give the satisfaction of spontaneous interaction.

Stan Getz

I love the idea of labeling the art of conversation as "spontaneous interaction".  I gathered with a group of friends last night and as we reminisced, discussed current events and made plans for future outings together, one of the things I couldn't help notice was the comfortable spontaneity of the conversations!

Everyone has friends they communicate with on different levels.  Sometimes a friend is someone, who, like the group I spoke of earlier, know you so well they can finish your sentences and the conversation is always being tossed back and forth like a child's game of catch. (Sometimes, when several friends come together, it can be more like the child's game of "keep away" as friends excitedly interrupt, correct and cajole each other!)


Occasionally,  you will strike up a conversation with someone who doesn't know you that well, and there are times when a conversation begins with someone who is barely an acquaintance, or may even be someone completely unfamiliar to you.


My challenge to you is to work on your conversation skills and practice listening, really listening, to others.  Whether you are with close friends or family, casual acquaintances or someone who happens to get on the elevator when you do, treat each conversation with respect and then enjoy it! Just as you would a great jazz tune!


Blessings
Sharon