The art of the argument...

The end of an argument or discussion should be, not victory, but enlightenment.

Joseph Joubert

As I work with groups of people in boards, clubs, or even churches, I am always watching to see how a difference of opinion is handled by colleagues and friends.

I've observed situations where the two people who disagree stay calm, refrain from insults and are willing to listen to each other.  On the other hand, I've also seen situations where emotions run high, sarcasm reigns and the slightest objection, or even a request for an explanation is taken as a personal insult.

In some cases, I've seen friendships and even family relationships ruined over what began as a very simple difference of opinion!  It's as if the offended person is saying, "Okay!  Now that you don't agree with me, I have to hate you forever!"

While it's true that it can be difficult to get your point across without saying hurtful things, it is also possible to resolve problems and remain collected and reasonable.

When you're faced with that difficult conversation remain calm.  Focus on keeping your voice at a steady, low tone.  If you get emotional, remind yourself that you must maintain your dignity and that lashing out will not help.

Make sure the other person knows that you are willing to listen and that you respect them.  Always remember that even though you may not agree with what they are saying, they feel just as strongly about their views as you do about yours!

Be reasonable. The outcome may not be exactly what you wanted, but let's face it, most people don't get exactly what they want!

Set healthy boundaries for the discussion.  If an argument is going on and on, it's likely that nothing will be accomplished and everyone involved becomes emotionally drained, tired, and more likely to make irrational decisions. (Professional counselors and mediators say that after an hour, you are simply repeating the same things over and over.)

Another thing to remember regarding healthy boundaries is that if someone is being verbally abusive, insulting, or just plain obnoxious, it's wise to end the discussion with a promise to get in touch later and walk away. That may seem obnoxious in itself, but it's far better to step away than end up in a situation where both sides are saying things they don't really intend to say!

Keep in mind that the result of a disagreement should be enlightenment and a clearer understanding of the other person's views.  There is no victory in just "winning" an argument for the sake of winning!

Finally, remember this: Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. - Paul Boese

Blessings,
Sharon

Life is sown thickly with thorns 
and I know no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. 
The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, 
the greater is their power to harm us.

Voltaire

Into every life there comes a time when things don't seem to be working out according to even the most carefully thought out plans!

Tragedy strikes.  

We lose someone close to us. 

Life doesn't seem fair.

We suffer great misfortune.

I know you've heard someone say,  "Time  is a great healer," or "This, too, shall pass," or, one I heard again just the other day, "Well, the only way to go now is up!"

There's a reason those sayings have been around for years. They are, in many ways, true!

I'm not saying that you should never allow time to grieve or to deal with hurtful issues.  And, I'm a strong advocate of seeking help from a professional counselor or someone in your faith family. 

However, I do know from experience that when things are really tough, the most resilient people seem to find an inner strength from relying on their family, friends and their faith to keep living life.

One of my favorite scenes from the animated feature film Finding Nemo is when Dory says to Marlin, who is ready to give it up and quit,  "Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills... When life gets you down do you wanna know what you gotta do?" 

Marlin replies,  "I don't WANNA KNOW what you gotta do." 

Even so, Dory begins to chant and sing: "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim!" 

In frustration,  Marlin shouts back at her: "Dory, NO SINGING!" 

Dory replies, "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim!  When you want to swim you want to swim!" 

Then, in an angry tone of voice, Marlin shouts, "See I'm gonna get stuck now with that song... Now it's in MY head!" 

Dory apologizes and swims on....Then Marlin follows her.

As he keeps swimming he finds himself moving closer to finding his beloved Nemo.  He focuses on the good things left in his life and on accomplishing the goal of reuniting his family!

His life was sown thickly with "thorns" -- from scary sharks and stinging jellyfish to a seemingly insurmountable distance to swim.  But, as he kept moving, he found that the scary things were left behind and the distance was covered!

My challenge to you is this:  If things are getting you down and it seems there's no way to go but up....look up!

Find  the good things ahead of you and focus your attention there.  

Then....just keep swimming!!

Blessings!

Sharon

It seems like yesterday....

If we teach today as we taught yesterday, we rob our children of tomorrow.

John Dewey

How many times have you tried to have something repaired only to find they no longer make parts for that model?  Have you ever had someone tell you that your model of television, computer, or cell phone is "obsolete" and it would be smarter to "upgrade" to the new model?

Just as technology has changed the way we do business, the way we are entertained, and the way we live, it has also changed our entire education system.

Think about this:  The chalkboard was introduced to the classroom in 1841. Josiah Bumstead said, regarding the inventor of the chalkboard system of teaching in a classroom: "The inventor of the system deserves to be ranked among the best contributors to learning and science, if not the greatest benefactors of mankind."  

Other notable innovations in classroom technology include:
1925 - Overhead projector
1940 - Ballpoint Pen
1950 - Slide Rule
1959 - Photocopier
1970 - Handheld calculator
1980 - the PLATO computer
1999 - Interactive Whiteboard
2005 - The iClicker
2010 - The iPad
2012 and beyond - "Smart" class rooms and much, much more!

Technology has changed the way children learn.  It has also, out of necessity, changed the way teachers teach, and it demands that we change the way we govern our schools.

From modeling smart use of available technology to requiring education leaders to maintain rigorous standards of professional development, school board members and other school administrators must create a culture where continuous learning and improvement is the norm.

We must expect our teachers and students to rise above the average and strive for excellence and we must do everything possible to provide the necessary technology, leadership training and resources to accomplish their goals.

We must also be committed to governing our schools in such a way that those who look to school board members and other administrators for guidance can see  there is a commitment to  rising above the average and striving for excellence at every level of education!

My challenge today is that you would get more involved in education in your community.

 If you're a school board member or administrator, do a simple checklist for yourself and your school board.  Are you taking advantage of all the available resources and technology that will streamline your plans for improvement and accountability measures?

If you are a parent, make sure you are involved at every level of your student's learning.  

If you are a patron with no children or grandchildren in your school district, you can call someone in your district and offer to volunteer or help purchase supplies or other resources.


One final thought:

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, 

what kind of house I lived in, or how much money I had in the bank.

But, the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child.

Author unknown

Blessings,

Sharon

Go vote....

"Let each citizen remember at the moment he is offering his vote 

that he is not making a present or a compliment to please an individual--

or at least that he ought not so to do; 

but that he is executing one of the most solemn trusts in human society 

for which he is accountable to God and his country. "

Samuel Adams, The Writings of Samuel Adams, Harry Alonzo Cushing, editor (New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1907), Vol. IV, p. 256.

The polls are open until 7:00 p.m.

Go vote.

That's all for today!

Blessings!

Sharon

Seize the day....

The past should be left in the past. 

Otherwise, it can destroy your future. 

Live life for what tomorrow has to offer, 

not for what yesterday has taken away.

-- unknown

It would be impossible to remember the number of times I've heard someone say, "Just do it...you only live once!" or "Seize the day!"

I am often  reminded of a friend of mine whose life ended much too soon, and each time I think of him, I am reminded that we never know what life is going to have in store for us and that it is important to live each day to the fullest.

Benjamin Franklin said, "If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality."

There are days when we waste our time, as well as our mental and spiritual energy obsessing over past  failures or hurtful incidents. We worry about all the things that "should have been" and we dwell on our anger against someone for something said or done  that caused us pain or embarrassment.

Dwelling on those things can cause us to miss an opportunity,  to build a new relationship or even start a new career.  It may also cause insomnia, anxiety, ulcers, or  a host of other health problems.

I challenge you to STOP! 

 Stop letting those things from the past that are unnecessary in your life today  control your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical well-being.  

Make today, the day you decide to leave the bad things behind and concentrate on what tomorrow has to offer!

Blessings,

Sharon

What are you doing?

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. 

I acted and behold, service was joy.

Rabindranith Tagore

I just finished reading excerpts from an  article that was posted in August 2011 in the journal Health Psychology.  The writers quoted statistics from a study that was done in Wisconsin, where a random sample of over 10,000 Wisconsin residents who had graduated from high school in the late 1950's were interviewed over a 16 year period.


The article states: *** "In 2004, the participants reported how often they had volunteered within the past 10 years. They also explained their reasons for volunteering, or, in the cases of those who had not volunteered  but were planning to, the reasons they would.

Some of the participants' motives were more oriented toward others, such as "I feel it is important to help others" or "Volunteering is an important activity to the people I know best." Other respondents, however, had more self-oriented reasons for volunteering, such as "Volunteering is a good escape from my own troubles," or "Volunteering makes me feel better about myself."

Researchers then compared the participants' responses with physical health information that had mostly been collected in 1992. The researchers also considered the respondents' socioeconomic status, mental health, social support, marital status and health risk factors, including smoking, body mass index and alcohol use.

The findings showed that those who volunteered for more altruistic reasons had lower mortality rates as of 2008 than people who did not volunteer. Of the 2,384 non-volunteers, 4.3 percent were deceased four years later, compared with 1.6 percent of altruistic volunteers who had died.

However, people who said they volunteered for their own personal satisfaction had nearly the same mortality rate (4 percent) as people who did not volunteer at all.

"It is reasonable for people to volunteer in part because of benefits to the self; however, our research implies that, ironically, should these benefits to the self become the main motive for volunteering, they may not see those benefits," said study researcher Andrea Fuhrel-Forbis, also of the University of Michigan." ***

My  mother-in-law, who is 78 years old still volunteers one day a week at the local food pantry and does volunteer sewing for the charitable organization, Newborns in Need.  She does this because she loves to help where help is needed! The added benefit is that she is healthier and happier because of her service to others!

My challenge today is this: Look around your community and find something that needs to be done.  We all have opportunities to help.  


You may find, like my mother-in-law and many others that the blessings of volunteerism are worth it!

Blessings,

Sharon

*** To read the entire article about the benefits of volunteering go to: http://news.yahoo.com/people-volunteer-live-longer-study-suggests-115806902.html

Just do SOMETHING!

Once you do nothing, it's hard to quit.

 -- unknown

Have you ever looked around your home or office and thought to yourself, "I really need to clear the top of my desk," or "I really have to get that closet cleaned out," then, in frustration, said to yourself, "There's no way I can get to that today!"


Even some of  my most organized friends have confessed they have delayed completing daunting tasks when the job seemed too overwhelming!


Sometimes we put those monumental tasks off because we've mistakenly bought into the idea that every single task begun must be finished with no interruption in the process -- that failing to complete every single thing on the "to do" list is tantamount to failure!


The thing to remember is that no matter the size of the task, you have to break it down into "pieces" to accomplish completion!


Doing "nothing" that moves you closer to finishing the job accomplishes just that -- NOTHING!


It's easy to put things off again and again when the assignment is one that you know will consume a lot of time.


My challenge on this day is to do SOMETHING that will move you toward the completion of that really enormous task that has been set before you!  (You might find it interesting to keep track of how many steps, or how much time it involves to actually finish the task!)


Blessings,


Sharon